Nothing accomplished this weekend...

Well, I can't say NOTHING in the bold word sense, but I was fairly lazy and did not do much. I wanted to do some things (even some responsble things like cleaning and such), but I never got around to doing them. I think part of it was that I have been so tired lately, that I sept in til nearly 2pm both days. It may also have something to do with my mental state...I have admittedly been more depressed than usual. I should dig out the 5-HTP again. Last week, on the 28th, it would have been my parent's anniversary. As of next Saturday, it will be 5 months since he died. I spent a fair amount of the last few days crying a lot. But I did want to get out. Saturday, it was raining, and I was not sure how long Chas would be at this computer expo thingy in Kissimmee, and whether we were getting with friends in the evening or not. We ended up not. Was going to try to do something today while Chas was at computer expo thingy, but ended up staying inside, mostly in the dark, much like yesterday. Although I can say for yesterday, I did have a lovely conversation with my brother, and a nice long one with realitystylist over Yahoo Messenger....well, Adium for me, since it does all the major IM clients. So that WAS nice. Oh, and I got the rent check up to the office...which is how I learned it was raining. Despite having had a vacation recently, I think a nice girls weekend or adventure is in demand for me now. I want to go out and have fun with my female friends, and not have to worry about anything. Hugs are welcome too, of course. I am a hug whore. :)

I need to find a good groove and get back into it...I think I was doing a little better for a while, but...I slipped for a whilie...at least I need to get back to where I was and keep moving up and onward. I need to get more order and discipline in my life. I know it is a hard path, and habits and routines are so hard to break, but at least I recognize that I can do better, I can be better, and that would make me happier.

ARGH!!!

It is nearly 4am and I am still fairly wide awake. I went to bed a little before 2am. I hate this. I am so over Chas' snoring too. I know lots of guys snore. He isn't as bad as some people I know, so that is good at least. I went to bed before he did, so it isn't entirely his fault, but seriously, I cannot sleep when he snores...it literally takes hours. Either he stops snoring long enough for me to fall asleep or I eventually get used to it enough. But my mind is wound up too, otherwise the head start in bed might have worked. I don't care about the snoring once I am asleep as little can disturb me or wake me once I am asleep. I think 20 minutes is the shortest time I have fallen asleep in, and I think that was a night with a sleeping pill. I took an antihistamine not too long ago, as I was sneezing a bit, and am no closer to falling asleep, though I am actually on the couch now where it is much quieter. I'd take a Lunesta, but I no longer have 8 hours to dedicate to it. Besides, it leaves a funny taste in my mouth the next day, leaving me feeling sick to my stomach. And I want to stay in my nice bed with Chas...I love him dearly, but I don't know what to do, as earplugs are not an option for me...none really feel comfortable, and I am afraid I will miss my alarm clock. Sigh...

Looking through autumnal lenses...

Here's a less emotional post for you all.

I had a new pair of sunglasses on today...I have been trying to wear them more regularly for my eye health. So, maybe this is something typical of sunglasses, but maybe it came at a good moment too...

I had my sunglasses on while I was outside for lunch, and for my walk. It was a lovely day...warm with a little breeze. Anyhow, I had to do a few double takes, because when I looked at the trees, I could swear I was looking at orange and red and yellow leaves that are so typical of autumn. I looked over the top of the sunglasses at the same trees at green and yellow leaves. I put the sunglasses back on, feeling the cool breeze on my skin, and kept walking. I smiled as I walked along, content in my secret autumn. :)