Nothing accomplished this weekend...

[plunkybug]

Well, I can't say NOTHING in the bold word sense, but I was fairly lazy and did not do much. I wanted to do some things (even some responsble things like cleaning and such), but I never got around to doing them. I think part of it was that I have been so tired lately, that I sept in til nearly 2pm both days. It may also have something to do with my mental state...I have admittedly been more depressed than usual. I should dig out the 5-HTP again. Last week, on the 28th, it would have been my parent's anniversary. As of next Saturday, it will be 5 months since he died. I spent a fair amount of the last few days crying a lot. But I did want to get out. Saturday, it was raining, and I was not sure how long Chas would be at this computer expo thingy in Kissimmee, and whether we were getting with friends in the evening or not. We ended up not. Was going to try to do something today while Chas was at computer expo thingy, but ended up staying inside, mostly in the dark, much like yesterday. Although I can say for yesterday, I did have a lovely conversation with my brother, and a nice long one with realitystylist over Yahoo Messenger....well, Adium for me, since it does all the major IM clients. So that WAS nice. Oh, and I got the rent check up to the office...which is how I learned it was raining. Despite having had a vacation recently, I think a nice girls weekend or adventure is in demand for me now. I want to go out and have fun with my female friends, and not have to worry about anything. Hugs are welcome too, of course. I am a hug whore. :)

I need to find a good groove and get back into it...I think I was doing a little better for a while, but...I slipped for a whilie...at least I need to get back to where I was and keep moving up and onward. I need to get more order and discipline in my life. I know it is a hard path, and habits and routines are so hard to break, but at least I recognize that I can do better, I can be better, and that would make me happier.

Comments

[greencow.livejournal.com]

oh sweetie, i am so sorry you had an emotional weekend. it's ok to slip because that's only human. however, it is great that you recognise that you've slipped and know you must not let that become permanant.

my therapy of choice is a hot bubble bath, a glass of wine or a cup of tea, and a good book. lighting candles is optional.

*hugs*

[plunkybug.livejournal.com]

I have cool new tea light candles...little reddish elephants from the Thai Expressions (?) collection from Partylite and some Exotic Spice and also some Cardamon and Teakwood tealights. Very nice for a bubble bath, but my tub REALLY needs a cleaning before I have another bath in it. Seriously. But that sounds very nice. With my dad's death, I have come to realize, during the more depressive times, that I have a lot of things about myself that I want to improve on, things that I don't like about who I am and how I live, and it is a start that I at least recognize these things, but how to overcome them and be better is still hard to find the path to lead me there.

[greencow.livejournal.com]

i think you are already on the right path...

[plunkybug.livejournal.com]

Well, you could be right. I think I am on the right path, but I am not sure I am going anywhere yet.

[realitystylist.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I could help you feel a little better, even if only on a temporary basis.

[plunkybug.livejournal.com]

Well, I did have a lovely time, only I should have spent it doing more useful things like cleaning the tub and laundry and other cleaning up. :) I mean, I did clean a little during our chat, and that is good, I guess. But it was nice, and I enjoyed learning more about you, and sharing more about me. I think it was a strengthening conversation, and it was good for me. So even if I should have been doing other things, thanks for the good conversation. Because it meant a lot to me.

[realitystylist.livejournal.com]

No problem, my friend. Any time.

I can see your Leo/Virgo cusp influence at work here. Virgo wanted to be productive but the Leo is ruled by the heart and your heart was not in the best of states. But Virgo realizes that you need to feel in top form before you can perform these tasks in the best way possible. You needed to balance your mind and heart, which were out-of-sync. Cleaning the house is important but sometimes you come first. Besides, I'm sure putting off those chores for a few hours or an extra day more wasn't going to make a colossal difference; it's not like you and Chas live in some filthy trailer. ;o)

[plunkybug.livejournal.com]

Absolutely! Very observant! I think I am very out of balance, tho be honest, and you know, the odd thing is that I spontaneously picked up a Tai Chi book recently, which focuses on balance. :D

[realitystylist.livejournal.com]

You do, however, strike me as being more practical than emotional. Of course, that's based on some very limited experience, but I get that impression from what I've seen after a few years of reading your posts. As far as being out of balance goes, I imagine that emotional side would have to swing to extremes to overcome you.

[plunkybug.livejournal.com]

I think the practical and emotional sides butt heads. :)

[realitystylist.livejournal.com]

They can do that, especially when each one of them has a valid point.

[plunkybug.livejournal.com]

But how to satisfy all the parties? While keeping sane?

[realitystylist.livejournal.com]

I know this is so Oprah of me to say, but how about keeping a balance journal? Every time you're faced with a conflict you can split a page into two columns and weight the pros and cons of each solution thusly.

[plunkybug.livejournal.com]

I will probably forget, and it will probably be the more practical have to get it right side to do that.

[realitystylist.livejournal.com]

Well, I guess that will be the hardest part until you actually get down to business.

[teajade.livejournal.com]

I couldn't have said it better than GreenCow, really, in that, it is most impo to recognise these certain things. It's in the recognition, that your strength and courage lies. Too many people are not courageous enough to look in the mirror, to even Do Work it takes to know themselves on deeper levels, which IS part of the emotional level. It takes courage to do all that. I am proud of you. Sometime it is ALL about the journey and SEEMINGLY nothing to do with the ever-elusive destination. And that can be frustrating, confusing, and well... as humans we want to see destinations, results, lights at the ends of tunnels... etc., that sort of thing... but sometimes life is right NOW, and sometimes, we'll see whatever the rest might be, when we least expect it.

Girl stuff with you... indeed.

[plunkybug.livejournal.com]

You never cease to amaze me with your words. I can only imagine where your journey started, and what you have seen and experienced on your path. All I can say is that I am so glad your path crossed mine. I can definitely agree that I need more balance, that parts of me are fighting, and one is winning over, rather than working together in harmony. Like what realitystylist saying with my Leo/Virgo cusp. Kinda odd when you remember that I just picked up that Tai Chi book, huh?

[teajade.livejournal.com]

Not IF, but WHEN we do get together, and do our BIIIG long weekend/short week GIRL TIME, we'll talk more, and we might learn more about our various journeys...

You know I feel the same about our paths crossing!

I'm a cusp baby, too. Libra/Scorpio. Heh.

;-)

Cuspers are a little odder than the rest of folk, at least I've always though. ;-)

Oh, speaking of Astrology... have you ever had your
WHOLE Natal Chart done? I mean even if you done totally buy into that, even just for fun, or for some extent of food for thought?

If not, it really is at least rather interesting.

I'd be quite curious to know if not, and if so, what you could tell me about it.

HUGZ

[plunkybug.livejournal.com]

Oooh, you're a cusper too? Wow, so maybe there is something odd with us cuspers. :)

I did have a full chart done once, at least I think it was a full natal chart, but I was unable to really gather the info in any immediately UNDERSTANDABLE format. It was a bunch of printed pages with results that I had no way of really interpretting. So I have it somewhere (maybe not anymore though) but it means nothing to me. Which really is no better than saying I don't have it. :P

With astrology, I tend to take it, like many things, with a grain of salt...but a lil shugah never hurts either. ;)

WEEKEND!!! We so need to get planning this! :)

[teajade.livejournal.com]

Dearie, you need a written full natal chart. One that writes out the meanings for each section. They are super duper fun, actually, with such.

a lil bit of shugah never DOES hurt.

LOVE YA.

yes, yes. on the planning.

need to tell you soon, why i'm starting to drag ass, on planning anything. but as soon as that WHY would be taken care of, i'm planning everything soon as possible! [hurry, hurry, hurry, dammit.]

[plunkybug.livejournal.com]

That's fine. I know it is important to you (as me) so any delays in planning are not your choosing. Let me know when you are ready though, because I have done some thinking on the matter a bit.